These late-stage autumn blowjobs
are our last, best hope

Come with me.
Look!

What in tar nation?

There’s a discoloured leaf on the driveway.
It’s hue ballooning from a lustrous red
To an almost shimmering yellow.
A real flamer.
On the driveway.
What a disaster!

Sure — it’s pretty now.
It’s a slippery slope though.
Did you hear what happened to the Tomlinsons?
They had a brown one:
Crinkled and mottled
Bent over itself like a hag
There was a little breeze
So stupid. So dangerous.

Not to mention the Girardis.
But I have to.
They had layers of the things.
And it rained.
They just left them
For weeks even
They turned black
They turned to slime
The Girardis
They had to move.

But that’s what happens if you’re not careful
I never met a leaf I could trust!
Leaves don’t stick around.
First it’s just leaves.
Then more leaves
Then it’s mush
Then it’s dirt and and and worms.
Then it’s larvae and pupae and grossiliae.
What’s next!
A root! A shoot!

Everybody groan.
Everybody don’t let go of what we’ve got.
Everybody hold on
Use it!
Form a line
Get your leaf blowers
Get your can o petrol
Whale oil whatever
Fill it up!
Don’t have a leaf blower?
What the fuck!
In this neighbourhood?
Buy one! Buy two! Two for one! You never know!
All together now.
It takes a village.

Alright
Form a line
Leaf blowers — on!
Leaf blowers loud
Leaf blowers guzzle
Leaf blowers bzhzhzhzhzhzh Rrrrrrrraaaaa

Blow! Blow! Blow!

And if we angle it right
If we all work together
If we don’t stop believing
We can blow these fuckers sky high
Up, up into the trees
Back to where they came from

Blow! Blow! Blow!

And we will be vigilant and prepared
Oh yes.
And if there’s another soft breeze,
a cold snap or a sudden gust
Oh we can do it again
We know where we stand

These gassy blowies
Are all we have left